Davar Thought
The portion opens with Jacob’s famous dream. He sees a ladder upon which angels are ascending and descending from Heaven. God tells him not to worry. He will be with him in all of his travels.
Insecurity is perhaps the most basic human drive. Granted, there is a more fundamental and much deeper drive which is the drive to be Godly, to touch the transcendent. But that drive is well below the surface for most of us most of the time. I would say that insecurity is the driving force behind most of what most human beings do most of the time.
From insecurity comes the false security of ego; from insecurity comes worry; from insecurity comes fear; from insecurity comes doubt and uncertainty. Many would say that because of insecurity, we human beings made up the idea of God in the first place. The atheist’s age-old rhetorical question – did God create man, or did man create God?
And so, when Jacob is leaving the security of his home and his family, leaving the security of his homeland, something he has never done before, God sees fit to come and tell him that he is being taken care of and he should not worry.
As a worrier, I sometimes wish that God would come and do that for me also!
The book I mentioned above, though, has provoked more insight around this for me, however. A great deal of his diary is about how worried he is. He will not live through the next week. And even if he does, his manuscripts will be lost and he will never publish them. The next week comes along and he’s worried again – he will not live through the next week and if he does…. Then the next week, he has exactly the same worries. The fact that his worries were unfounded last week, and the week before and the week before that, has no bearing whatsoever on his present worries.
And that’s just how we human beings work.
So, this month I have been extremely worried about the finances of my charity. How will we get through this and next month? I saw no way forward at the start of November. It was all falling apart. I would have to close it down. And then what? My wife reminded me that I have felt this way numerous times before. Yes, but this time is different. Well, last time you thought it was different also! Yes, but this time really is different!
And so, I have come to realise that God is indeed doing for me what he did for Jacob. He is not just telling me that he is looking after me. He is actually doing so – and that’s so much better! God has helped me to raise the money that I need for the past two hundred and fifty months. Why should this month be any different? Indeed, now I see the light at the end of the tunnel for this month. Other than my crazy worries, I could have realised that everything would be OK at the beginning of the month and had a much less stressful time. That’s never easy to do in the moment, but I feel that now I have an advantage. Yes, like Victor Klemperer, I might be worrying despite the evidence rather than because of it. Yes, like him, my worrying might be crazy. But at least now I realise I’m crazy – and that’s a great start.
Good Shabbos,
Shaul
Parsha in a Nutshell
Jacob leaves Canaan for Haran, arriving 14 years later. On the way, he experiences his famous vision of the ladder stretching to heaven. He arrives at the home of his wonderful uncle Laban: a good-for-nothing of the highest order who misses no opportunity to cheat his nephew out of all he has.
Jacob wishes to marry Laban’s daughter, Rachel. He works seven years for her and then Laban substitutes Leah under the chuppah. He works another seven years for Rachel. He fathers eleven sons and a daughter. Jacob works for Laban for another six years, during which time he makes Laban into a very wealthy man and, although Laban tries to swindle him at every turn, Jacob manages to make himself into an even wealthier man. Finally, the time has come, and he packs his bags and begins the long journey home to Israel.
